The Struggle is Real Week 8: When Life Hits Back

 

It’s been nearly two weeks since my last post. Did anyone notice I was missing?

 

But I have good news/bad news.  The good news. I wrote.  Finally.  The scene that had been in my head for well over a week.  It poured onto the page and it felt really good to get it out there. 

 

The bad news? Well pretty much everything since than has been downhill. First I was under the weather—not a bad bug, but enough to make me tired and run down and cranky.  And  enough to know I needed to rest when and where I could.  I don’t know about you, but since hitting my –ahem—"over 50s”, I have found if I don’t rest when I am sick it takes a lot longer to get well.  Gone are the glory days of my 20s and 30s where I could just down some Ibuprofen, chug some coffee and keep up the same pace, knowing I’d feel better in a day or two.  That ended some time in my 40s.

 

Then at the beginning of this week, just days after I was starting to feel better, FIL had a heart attack.  If you are regular readers, you probably know I am one of his caregivers.  But suddenly some things that were only in the “idea” stages had to happen –and fast.  We’d talked about setting up a downstairs bedroom for him, but it was still in the "just talking" stages.  And then suddenly it had to happen now.  We weren’t sure when they would send him home, but since hospital stays these days are pretty brief, we assumed it needed to be ASAP.  With the help of good friends and everyone pitching in, it got done in an afternoon.  We are still in the process of moving his clothes and toiletries etc downstairs and figuring out where everything will go, but the hard part is done at least.

 

So not a lot of time to write since that one lovely afternoon of writing bliss. 

 

But like I always say, I have not given up yet. 

The Struggle is Real Week 7: Refilling the Well

 

 

“Nicole, why didn’t you put your toys away when I asked you to?”

“I meant to, Grandma, but…”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions, young lady.”

 

I had a lot of conversations like that with my Grandma growing up.  If you were raised Catholic or had an Irish grandma, you may have heard similar phrases.  The sky was always falling.  Everything was doom and gloom.  Everything led to hell and everyone, it seemed, was headed there “in a handbasket”.

Even those of us who failed to put away our toys. 

I never fully understood that phrase, but the words did leave me with the lasting image of a foggy night and a dark winding road leading up to towering iron gates where a flashing neon sign featured a character that looked suspiciously like the creature on the Underwood Potted Meat label. 

This past week those words have echoed in my brain.  Good intentions. Road to hell.  

Well I don’t think not hitting my writing goals for the fourth straight week in a row will lead to hell (Grandma, I’m sure, would disagree).  But when I realized that my own thinking was becoming clouded with doom and gloom and negativity I wondered if those things weren’t impacting my writing.  The words are there, but the most important part—the butt in chair part—was not. 

I actually had a scene come at me—as they tend to do when we least expect it—full force a week or so back that I could not wait to sit down and write.  Yet I still haven’t done it.  No reason why other than me just not taking the time.  Yes I am still as busy as ever.  Yes I am still focusing on work.  But why didn’t I do it? 

Then I remembered a phrase a dear friend used to use.  “Fill that well up again”.  She was talking about writing and trying to write when “the well has run dry.” Sometimes, she would say, we need to do non writing things --watch movies, read, take a walk--to motivate ourselves to want to write again.

 Could that be it?  All the issues I’ve had these past few weeks, could it just be that in spite of the muse being alive and well and tossing ideas at me, the writing well needs a bit of ... water?

So I have been doing a lot of reading.  Not on my phone, the old fashioned kind of reading with an actual book. Not just to inspire my muse, but to inspire me to want to write again.  Last night’s rare balmy February temperatures found me tucked into bed with the window cracked open, happily reading by the glow of a booklight like I did when I was a kid.  And today I am feeling much closer to my characters and more motivated.  

And even though Mother Nature has taken away the warm breezes and sent us reminders (by way of damp, chilly rain) that it’s still winter, I am really looking forward to reading again tonight. 

If you are still with me this far in, I appreciate your time.  And I apologize for the late blog.  I just couldn’t find a way to say—yet again—that I failed to meet my goals. 

But on the outside chance you are struggling, too, here I am to remind you that it’s not just you, and it’s not just me.  Making the time and finding the time are two different things.  And sometimes we sabotage ourselves.  And sometimes we fall short of the goals we set for ourselves time and time gain.  

The Struggle is Real week 5: A Day Late and a Dollar Short

 

Well, I am a day late posting this.  And not a lot has changed since last week.

 

Life still continues to hammer away at my writing time with the intensity of a nor’easter in mid-winter. 

 

Once again, I won’t bore you with details. Basically a “same stuff/different day” scenario.  But despite my best efforts to get back on track this week, I fell somewhat short of my goal.  Well more like a few miles, give or take a hundred.  😏

 

I did get in a couple of good afternoons of writing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time with my characters.  So the issue is really not writer’s block or not making time.  It’s just other things getting in the way. 

 

It helps, to a certain extent, to look back at the week and realize it is not entirely me, there is a lot of demand on my free time and some days, that “me” time comes at an hour that’s just too late –my muse is not a night owl, after all. 

 

So as I continue to move forward and try to wrangle some time for me (are we, as moms, wives and caregivers even allowed to think about me time?  Sometimes I think not!) I will keep myself accountable and keep you updated.

 

How did you do with your writing goals this week? Did you meet them? Or did you fall short, or like me, miss them by a mile or more?

 

I’ll be back next week with another update!

The Struggle is Real - Week 4: Identifying Your Procrastination Triggers

 

Have you ever started to sit down to write and found yourself distracted by half a dozen little tasks that you absolutely must do right now?  Even if you’ve been neglecting them forever?

 

The sudden need to clean off your desk, clean out your email inbox, straighten the throw pillows on the living room sofa, sort the mismatched socks. Yep I am guilty of all of those this week.

 

For some reason we allow these things to suddenly become more important than the thing we want to do the most.  Procrastination: it isn't just for breakfast anymore LOL (okay some of you will get that but I am definitely dating myself).  

I struggled again this past week. Some of it was life induced, some of it was brought on by too many ponies on the carousel going round and round.  

But a lot of it was just me ... sabotaging ...me!   

I can kind of understand putting off a task that you are dreading or that you feel will take a long time—cleaning the bathroom, changing the kitty litter—But I am not sure why we do it when presented with time to do something we love. 

What are we afraid of? Failure? Success?  Doing something for ourselves?? 

So this week I tried to take stock of and identify my triggers, those things that stop me in my tracks, including the thought that I will write “after” I do whatever that one task is that suddenly cannot wait another moment. 

If this sounds familiar, then take a moment when you are in the midst of struggling to ignore those pesky tasks and take note of what they are.  The goal is to get on top of those at a different time of day, maybe before bed at night, or after dinner--whatever time is not your ideal writing time.  Getting those triggers out of the way ahead of time will save you stress and struggle down the road.  At least that is what I plan to try for the next seven days. 

Meanwhile keep in mind that some say a cluttered desk is the sign of creative mind.  Well, let’s allow our desks to be cluttered. Let’s allow our minds to be creative.  The mess can wait, and yes when we come up for air, chances are there will be more of a mess than what was there before.  

There will always be a mess somewhere.  

But there is not always time to write. 

Seize the moment and just do it.

 

 

The Struggle is Real Week 3: Crash. Burn.

 

Well, this past week saw me crash and burn with regard to touching base with my story every day.

 

What happened?

 

Life.

 

First an unexpected appointment.  Nothing serious, just something I had not planned my schedule around that day.  

The next day it was arguing with the power company over a $900 utility bill my FIL got in the mail.  The man has one TV and a couple of lamps he uses for a few hours each day.  He is old school Italian and will turn a light off in a room while you are still in it.  I don’t think he uses that much electricity in a year, let alone a month.  Turns out I was right, but it still took a full day and a half and 12—I kid you not—12 phone calls to get it all sorted out.  Such is the life of a caregiver. 

 

Weather.  I’m a migraine sufferer.  Not the whiny kind who uses the word “migraine” as an excuse to take to her bed and retreat from life.  The kind that powers through no matter how bad they are, but on the really bad days, knows when it is time to quit.  Well by the time I was able to quit, it was bedtime and I was not about to go sit at my desk and write.  Nope.  Just not happenin’.  Thank God by the next morning things were better but the roller coaster temperatures of this mild winter have not been kind to my head.

 

Then came the day when I just plain forgot!  Yep.  Got busy and forgot all about it.  I have been working a couple of hours in the evening each week to try to stay on top of my daily work and just as I was gratefully switching off the bedside lamp to go to sleep –oopsie.  I forgot to write today.

So I definitely sat at my desk and made up all this missed time over the weekend, right?  

Right???

Nope.  I worked a lot and by the time I was done for the day writing was not on the radar.  I hate that I let myself--and my characters--down but it is what it is.  Sometimes you just have to do what will pay the bills.  

And while it's true I veered off course this week, I am not done yet.  I am going to right the ship, turn this bus around, get myself back on track, place the gerbil back on the wheel etc and do better over the next seven days.  Stay tuned.

 

So how was your week? Did you hit your writing goals?  Or like me, did Live have other ideas?