The Struggle is Real Week 7: Refilling the Well

 

 

“Nicole, why didn’t you put your toys away when I asked you to?”

“I meant to, Grandma, but…”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions, young lady.”

 

I had a lot of conversations like that with my Grandma growing up.  If you were raised Catholic or had an Irish grandma, you may have heard similar phrases.  The sky was always falling.  Everything was doom and gloom.  Everything led to hell and everyone, it seemed, was headed there “in a handbasket”.

Even those of us who failed to put away our toys. 

I never fully understood that phrase, but the words did leave me with the lasting image of a foggy night and a dark winding road leading up to towering iron gates where a flashing neon sign featured a character that looked suspiciously like the creature on the Underwood Potted Meat label. 

This past week those words have echoed in my brain.  Good intentions. Road to hell.  

Well I don’t think not hitting my writing goals for the fourth straight week in a row will lead to hell (Grandma, I’m sure, would disagree).  But when I realized that my own thinking was becoming clouded with doom and gloom and negativity I wondered if those things weren’t impacting my writing.  The words are there, but the most important part—the butt in chair part—was not. 

I actually had a scene come at me—as they tend to do when we least expect it—full force a week or so back that I could not wait to sit down and write.  Yet I still haven’t done it.  No reason why other than me just not taking the time.  Yes I am still as busy as ever.  Yes I am still focusing on work.  But why didn’t I do it? 

Then I remembered a phrase a dear friend used to use.  “Fill that well up again”.  She was talking about writing and trying to write when “the well has run dry.” Sometimes, she would say, we need to do non writing things --watch movies, read, take a walk--to motivate ourselves to want to write again.

 Could that be it?  All the issues I’ve had these past few weeks, could it just be that in spite of the muse being alive and well and tossing ideas at me, the writing well needs a bit of ... water?

So I have been doing a lot of reading.  Not on my phone, the old fashioned kind of reading with an actual book. Not just to inspire my muse, but to inspire me to want to write again.  Last night’s rare balmy February temperatures found me tucked into bed with the window cracked open, happily reading by the glow of a booklight like I did when I was a kid.  And today I am feeling much closer to my characters and more motivated.  

And even though Mother Nature has taken away the warm breezes and sent us reminders (by way of damp, chilly rain) that it’s still winter, I am really looking forward to reading again tonight. 

If you are still with me this far in, I appreciate your time.  And I apologize for the late blog.  I just couldn’t find a way to say—yet again—that I failed to meet my goals. 

But on the outside chance you are struggling, too, here I am to remind you that it’s not just you, and it’s not just me.  Making the time and finding the time are two different things.  And sometimes we sabotage ourselves.  And sometimes we fall short of the goals we set for ourselves time and time gain.  

The Struggle is Real Week 6: Oops, I Did it Again

 

Did you ever play Dodge Ball?  I won’t say I have fond memories of it. I was pretty good at the “dodging” aspect but throwing and actually hitting something wasn’t in my skill set.  So yep, I was one of those always chosen last.

Anyway, some weeks it feels like I am back there in Miss Teeboone’s gym class at Virgil I Grissom elementary school dodging those flying balls.  Some weeks life flings stuff your way with all the aggression of a pre-pubescent boy who is still angry you beat him in last week’s spelling bee.  

Yes, that’s where I have been.  Dodging all sorts of missiles, or so it seems.  Bills-still sorting out the issue with FILs electricity bill. Caregiving--some weeks are just "those" weeks.  Family--always something, let's just leave it at that.  Puppy training, aka exhausting myself so hyper puppy will be less hyper LOL.  And work.  Lots and lots of work.  As I have said before, some weeks ya gotta go where the money is.  So that, unfortunately, has had to be my main focus.  

I did manage to eek in a few piddly writing moments, just to touch base with my characters once or twice.  But once again I did not meet the daily goal I had set for myself, even though it was fairly small. 

Is it just me, or did 2023 come in like a tidal wave?  It just hasn’t let up even once.  And it has yet to allow me to come up for air. 

I guess if it was easy we wouldn’t call it “pushing yourself”.  But I am not giving up.  Writing has been my balm, my comfort, my therapy for far too many years for me to let life keep pushing it out of my reach.  

But, my friends, the struggle is real.  

And it continues.  

Leave me a comment either here or on FB to let me know how you did this week.

 

The Struggle is Real week 5: A Day Late and a Dollar Short

 

Well, I am a day late posting this.  And not a lot has changed since last week.

 

Life still continues to hammer away at my writing time with the intensity of a nor’easter in mid-winter. 

 

Once again, I won’t bore you with details. Basically a “same stuff/different day” scenario.  But despite my best efforts to get back on track this week, I fell somewhat short of my goal.  Well more like a few miles, give or take a hundred.  😏

 

I did get in a couple of good afternoons of writing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time with my characters.  So the issue is really not writer’s block or not making time.  It’s just other things getting in the way. 

 

It helps, to a certain extent, to look back at the week and realize it is not entirely me, there is a lot of demand on my free time and some days, that “me” time comes at an hour that’s just too late –my muse is not a night owl, after all. 

 

So as I continue to move forward and try to wrangle some time for me (are we, as moms, wives and caregivers even allowed to think about me time?  Sometimes I think not!) I will keep myself accountable and keep you updated.

 

How did you do with your writing goals this week? Did you meet them? Or did you fall short, or like me, miss them by a mile or more?

 

I’ll be back next week with another update!

Wednesday on Writing

 

The Struggle is Real Week 3: Crash. Burn.

 

Well, this past week saw me crash and burn with regard to touching base with my story every day.

 

What happened?

 

Life.

 

First an unexpected appointment.  Nothing serious, just something I had not planned my schedule around that day.  

The next day it was arguing with the power company over a $900 utility bill my FIL got in the mail.  The man has one TV and a couple of lamps he uses for a few hours each day.  He is old school Italian and will turn a light off in a room while you are still in it.  I don’t think he uses that much electricity in a year, let alone a month.  Turns out I was right, but it still took a full day and a half and 12—I kid you not—12 phone calls to get it all sorted out.  Such is the life of a caregiver. 

 

Weather.  I’m a migraine sufferer.  Not the whiny kind who uses the word “migraine” as an excuse to take to her bed and retreat from life.  The kind that powers through no matter how bad they are, but on the really bad days, knows when it is time to quit.  Well by the time I was able to quit, it was bedtime and I was not about to go sit at my desk and write.  Nope.  Just not happenin’.  Thank God by the next morning things were better but the roller coaster temperatures of this mild winter have not been kind to my head.

 

Then came the day when I just plain forgot!  Yep.  Got busy and forgot all about it.  I have been working a couple of hours in the evening each week to try to stay on top of my daily work and just as I was gratefully switching off the bedside lamp to go to sleep –oopsie.  I forgot to write today.

So I definitely sat at my desk and made up all this missed time over the weekend, right?  

Right???

Nope.  I worked a lot and by the time I was done for the day writing was not on the radar.  I hate that I let myself--and my characters--down but it is what it is.  Sometimes you just have to do what will pay the bills.  

And while it's true I veered off course this week, I am not done yet.  I am going to right the ship, turn this bus around, get myself back on track, place the gerbil back on the wheel etc and do better over the next seven days.  Stay tuned.

 

So how was your week? Did you hit your writing goals?  Or like me, did Live have other ideas?

 

Wednesday on Writing: Things I wish I'd said

 

The Struggle is Real - Week 2: Purging Procrastination and Ditching Distractions

 

So this week I will share some of the small steps I am taking to keep myself on track and adding writing back to my daily routine. I am following along with author Kim Turner’s blog and her Time to Write series.  If you have not already seen her posts, mosey on over and check it out!

 

Right now I don’t have the hour to give that she recommends, but even I can do 15-30 minutes. 

 

This past week I refreshed myself on the story and wrote a few lines each day, just to sort of jump start the ol’ muse. I had some days where I wrote a lot, and days where I wrote somewhat less than "a lot".  But I made up the time to myself and only had one day where lifus interruptus got in the way of me finding time to work on my story.  

 

I have shut off notifications on email, IM etc and my phone during this time.

 

I’ve also gone through my email and unsubscribed to a bunch of marketing emails—I don’t know about you, but when my procrastination hits, I will dive down those rabbit holes and get lost for hours. Do I really need to browse sales in stores that I don't ever intend to shop in?  And I certainly don’t need the temptation of clearance sales!  And who needs a cluttered inbox anyway?

 

One other thing that is beneficial in more than one way is walking a puppy.  In November we adopted a 4-month-old German shepherd mix puppy.  He is a busy boy, and as a rescue, he comes with a bit of baggage and needs lots of reassurance—and lots of walks.  A tired puppy is a good puppy, after all!  And I am really enjoying those daily walks.  Because I am still training him, I don’t use my phone while I am out walking him, my focus is entirely on him and what we are doing. That somewhat mindless activity gives my muse time to come along and start … well, musing!  I find this is really helpful in sorting out plot issues and has even allowed a new character or two to come into my head.

 

And all that walking certainly isn’t hurting my health or stress level any...

 

So in a nut shell—

• avoiding distractions
•  taking care of my health and stress levels 
• scheduling time to write. 

Small steps in the progress this week, but all steps in the “write” direction!

Deja Vu... all over again

Weird. That's how I feel right now. Several months ago I set up a google alert for my name and the title of my holiday novella, Small Town Christmas. So far, anytime I've been alerted it hasn't been about me or even my story. But the one I just read was. It wasn't a blog or a review I didn't know about, but apparently STC is now available on two short story sites I didn't even know about. And... get this. On one of the sites it was listed as a "best seller". Who'da thunk it? (Ahem, so uh.... why is there an echo, rather than a bulge, in my wallet right now if it's a best seller?)

What's really weird is the excerpt. It's not the scene that was excerpted on the Wild Rose website, and it's not necessarily one I'd have picked, but it's a good one. It shows the sexual tension building between old friends. But I couldn't help thinking... who chose this for the excerpt? Strange, strange. Very weird to think of somebody else sifting through my creation and choosing which scene to entice readers into buying.

And all of this comes at a time when I'm beating myself up for not having the time to write that I would like. Those of you who know what my day job is know that I've been busy, and that I need to make money, so martyr that I am, I've pushed writing aside so I can focus on work. After all I can't feed my family on promises. But it hurts. I really wanted to get The Model Man out in November, that will have been a year since my first release and I really wanted to get it out this past summer. Sigh. So why am I sitting here blogging when I should be writing? LOL.

As the saying goes, so many stories, so little time...